Finding Purpose in Any Career

From Emily:

How comfortable are you talking about purpose?

Is it something that comes naturally? Do you have the vocabulary to speak about your meaning, the reason why you believe you’re here?

Do you believe that everyone has a purpose?

Many of the women that I’ve featured have had profound journeys, deep explorations of their own purpose. 

They’ve endlessly reconsidered the exact phrase that they use to describe it, tweaking the language until it feels just “right”.

They’ve consulted tarot, their spirit guides, and even a purpose alignment coach (hint hint!) in order to discover what’s been inside them all along.

Honestly, that’s not the norm.

I’d say that the majority of the people I meet have never put their purpose into words.

Enter, Liz, or as I lovingly call her, Lizzie. 

I’ve known Lizzie since we went to camp together as teenagers, in that awkward period of life where everyone is just trying to figure it out while pretending they already have.

Lizzie was always the girl I could count on for honesty and authenticity. She is entirely herself, always, without apologies.

Today, she’s an incredibly successful businesswoman who is forging her own path in the insurance industry, paving the way forward for other women in the male-dominated field.

She’s bold. She’s inspiring. She’s put in the insane hours and taken on every bit of responsibility thrown her way in order to create a life that is right for her.

She’s also not entirely convinced by this whole “purpose journey” thing.

When I asked if I could feature her, she didn’t know whether she had anything to offer, whether what she said would fit into the theme of the stories that I’ve been telling.

I think that makes her story the most relatable of all.

You might not have just one purpose

The conversation about purpose isn’t super meaningful to me, if I’m being candid.

I think it’s good to find purpose in the things you’re doing, whether that’s in your work, your relationships, or how you’re treating others. 

But finding this one solitary purpose - I never felt like I needed to have that to accomplish my goals.

I remember doing my first ikigai session with @emilyelizamoyer at Soho House, and I remember thinking, “Well, I don’t know what my purpose statement is.” 

Everything I thought of fell flat: To support myself? To inspire people? To help other women? 

Nothing I was coming up with really resonated with me.

I do believe that everyone has a purpose, but I don’t believe that everyone has a purpose that you can fit into one sentence. Or a purpose that stays the same forever.

One sentence feels limiting to me because purposes can be ever-changing. You may feel fulfilled, but you can’t put words to it. 

You have to find some purpose in your life, though, because otherwise, what are you doing? 

That’s a pretty empty way to exist - not feeling any sense of fulfillment.

I’m lucky enough to have people in my life who make me reflect on these things. I’m lucky to have Moyer, who is insanely gifted at having these conversations, at pulling these pieces out of you.

It’s also one of those things that’s difficult to put your finger on. It can be hard to look inward for something like that.

Sometimes, it takes telling your story to someone else to make you see what you’ve been missing.

I saw everything as a stepping stone

Let’s start at the beginning.

As a kid, my parents were always really inclined to tell us that we could do anything.

You know, the typical millennial spiel, “You’re special, you can do anything you want. You just have to work hard”

They always pushed us to try new things and work hard at whatever we chose to do. I grew up in a pretty disciplined household that was focused on grades and success, and I was determined to live up to those expectations.

I went to a private, college-prep school in Houston, and eventually ended up enrolling at the University of Wisconsin (with @emilyelizamoyer coincidentally). 

That mentality of striving to be the best didn’t leave me when I went to college. It was probably even more exacerbated by the fact that I was looking ahead and planning for my career.

I fell in love with sociology right away, the idea of understanding how people act, how they make decisions, and why we act the way we do overall as a culture. 

I finished that major in two years.

My college counselor told me that I needed more credits to graduate. Instead of taking random classes, she suggested that I focus my energy and pick a second major, which was really good advice.

That’s how I ended up double majoring in sociology and political science. I thought that after I graduated I’d become a paralegal, go to law school, practice law, then maybe run for office.

I saw everything that I was doing as a stepping stone toward the next thing. 

What could bring me to the next level of success? 

I was motivated by that desire to reach the next level, to keep moving toward the top. My only “purpose” back then was to make money, to support myself. To be financially independent. 

I didn’t tell anyone

I was so proud of myself when I became the first of my friends to get a job out of college. I started working just five days after graduation, and became financially independent right away. 

While everyone else was taking the summer off, I was jumping into the “real world” head first. 

I moved to Chicago and got a job as a paralegal. I was so proud that I had this job, so proud that I was making moves… then I went to work on my first day and my boss, the lawyer, wasn’t even there.

My boss came in at the end of my second day and said, “We should go out for a drink to celebrate your first week.” I agreed immediately, wanting to get off on the right foot.

We went downstairs to the bar in the building, and about 30 minutes later he put his arm, his hand, in an inappropriate place.

It was awful. I was 22, fresh out of college, feeling really proud of this job, and then suddenly everything felt wrong.

It’s one of those moments that I look back on often, all I did was look at him with a “Don’t mess with me” face. That’s all I did. I looked at him, then I left the bar and didn’t say a word.. 

I came into work the next day, and he pretended like nothing happened.

The hardest part about it was the pride I felt in getting this job, then to realize why this man hired me was devastating. It was awful. I was so embarrassed. I was so afraid to tell anyone - to tell my mom, to tell my brothers, anyone.

You think, “Was I dressing too provocatively?” “Should I have known all along that’s what he wanted?” “ Did I even deserve this job?” All these things run through your head.

I didn’t tell anyone, I just started looking for other jobs.

Find something you want to sell

It was actually @emilyelizamoyer’s dad (Hi Greg!) who suggested that I go into sales. 

Over one of our downtown lunches eating penne a la vodka, he told me that I was made for it. That I could sell a toilet seat to someone without a toilet. Snow to an eskimo.

“Find something you want to sell.”

That message stuck with me. If I did go into sales, I wanted to know that I wasn’t just peddling something I didn’t believe in. I wanted to sell something I felt good about. That i was proud of.

Commercial Insurance protects the livelihoods of people and their businesses, and I feel a lot of pride in what I’m selling - even though it’s not necessarily something you want to bring up at a party.

I got a note from one of my clients very early in my career, and I still have it on my desk. It says something like, “Not all consultants are created equal. The way you walked me through this process and made sure my business is protected means the world to me.”

I don’t believe your work has to reflect your entire purpose, but I think you can find things within it that align. You spend so many hours at work - I think you’re really missing an opportunity if you don’t search for things in your job that make you feel fulfilled.

A few younger women at my company have told me that I’ve been a role model for them, inspired them. that I’ve shown them what’s possible. It was a totally unintended consequence of my hard work. 

But now that I know, I think of myself as a 22 year old girl with that man’s hands on me, and all I want is for women to know that they can walk away from that. 

That they don’t have to stay in that situation. 

That they deserve so much more.

That there are companies, men, and other people that won’t treat them that way. 

I’m really happy that the women in my company shared that with me, because now I’m more aware, and I can be more intentional. 

Now, I ask myself, “What can I do with my time to make more of that impact?”

Live your life - it will come

The conversation about purpose can be really intimidating. When you’re in a room with people who have a handle on this concept, who are using their purpose to make a huge difference in the world, it’s hard to say, “My purpose is to provide for my family,” or, “To live my best life and treat myself.”

We need to understand that not everyone is going to vastly change the world. That’s okay.

You have to be selfish to a certain extent. You have to focus on yourself. 

I think that the more you focus on that self-fulfillment, the easier it will be for you to get to the worldly stuff.

After all, how do you expect to find that higher purpose if *you* don’t feel fulfilled?

If you’re still searching for that purpose, I would say to reflect and think about the small moments in your life when you have felt fulfilled. 

Start making more of those moments.

It’s easy to get caught in the hustle of your work, your life, your kids, but if you really stop and reflect and are honest with yourself, you know what makes you feel good. It’s already inside of you.

The idea that you have to search for your purpose is overwhelming. Like if you don’t find it, or can’t put it into a sentence, you’re failing.

You cannot spend the energy worrying about these things.

Life is so, so short, and we only get one chance to do it..

Your purpose is there. Somewhere. It might not appear in a lightning strike epiphany, or with overwhelming certainty. It will probably come in the small moments, the in-between times of your day when you’re doing the things you love, not the things you have to do.

Don’t spend your time worrying about your purpose.

Live your life - and it will come.

From Emily:

The thing about purpose is it’s not just for people in the holistic, woo-woo, mystic, personal development-driven community.

Purpose is woven into our everyday conversation, into our beliefs about our relationships and our careers.

Lizzie’s story shows the latter, how her incredible success in the insurance industry has actually informed her purpose. How, inadvertently, she discovered that she had the power to encourage others to pursue their purpose through the pursuit of her own.

Younger Lizzie could have never expected that her purpose would involve selling insurance, and subsequently inspiring other businesswomen.

It shows that as we evolve, our purposes evolve with us. We grow, and our potential grows. Our lives and minds expand, and our purpose follows suit.

Lizzie brings up reflection, and I believe that it’s our key tool in this practice.

We only know who we are if we ask ourselves, “Who am I?”

We can only understand our purpose if we ask ourselves, “What lights me up? What are my values? What makes me feel like I’m living my life to its full potential?”

It’s that constant re-evaluation of our selves that is so difficult, but so necessary in order to live the life we’re meant to live.

That’s my challenge for you this week. 

Ask yourself those hard questions and answer with intention. Feel out what’s changed for you since you’ve last had this discussion with yourself, or allow yourself to be surprised by what comes up for you if this is the first time.

I love talking about purpose, and (humble brag here) I’m pretty great at helping others put their purpose into words.

If you’re struggling with this process, or getting stuck on a question during your reflection, send me a DM. I’m happy to steer you in the right direction.