Using Reflection for Personal Development

From Emily:

Life can feel like a cycle between failures, lessons, successes, and a state of comfort.

Three steps forward. One step back.

Repeat.

It’s frustrating. It’s exhilarating.

It’s right.

There’s no such thing as a straight upward trajectory in life, as you’ll see in Cat’s story.

When we think we finally have it all figured out, we’re given another challenge, another obstacle to dodge, another mountain to climb.

That’s why I call these stories purpose *journeys*. To name them anything else would imply that there’s an end, a point when we’ve accomplished our goals and completed everything that we were meant to here on Earth.

Cat’s story proves that we are all in a constant state of reinvention.

Shedding the layers of our old selves when they start to hold us back. Continually asking ourselves, “Can I be better? Can I be more me?”

Cat does this in every stage of her life. As the founder of @eatstretchnap, a retreat leader, and a spiritual teacher, she has the courage to reconsider her purpose, and to change her path as soon as she recognized that she was meant for more.

That kind of conviction, a dedication to your own intuition you might say, leads to a colorful, fulfilling life. Not one without mistakes or regrets. But one worth writing stories about.

As you read through Cat’s journey, I want you to think about the times that you’ve reinvented yourself. What pieces have you left behind? What did you uncover beneath the old layer of you? How do you take care of yourself during those periods of discomfort and change?

How can you tell when it’s time to start anew?

Pushing through Limits

I was always the “good kid” when I was younger.

I followed the rules, I got good grades, I was doing everything I was supposed to do, and it felt fine.

My parents immigrated to the United States from the Philippines before I was born. As a child of people who had these big dreams, these big ideas for what their future could look like in America, there were a few set paths that I was expected to choose from.

Their vision of the American dream is quite typical: you get a very financially secure job.

A doctor. A lawyer. An engineer. 

Then you work that job until you die. 

That’s just how you did it. That was the way to live a good life and provide for your family. It’s what I knew.

I’ve had that message in my head my entire life, and, for a long time, that’s how I lived.

Looking back, it’s easy for me to see how that would be limiting. How choosing from a small subset of life paths could actually hold me back from finding what felt real to me.

All of the stories that I’d been told, the lessons that had been instilled in me - they had an impact on how I behaved and what I thought it was okay for me to be.

To be completely truthful, I didn’t really shake that layer off of me until I got to college. With college, there was freedom, an entire world to explore.

I was ready to see what other paths were out there, determined to forge my own if I had to.

Discovering yoga - and myself

College was the first time that I was just following my own intuition, doing exactly what I wanted.

It was an awakening.

I partied a lot - not in an unhealthy way. Just enough to understand that I could go out and still get straight As, still overachieve the way I always had. That I wasn’t a “bad kid” if I skipped class once in awhile or did things that I never would if I was at home.

My last semester of senior year, I studied abroad in London and that was a huge turning point for me.

I traveled a ton, and spent my money like a crazy person. I’d let go of that girl who’d been stuck choosing between a limited number of paths and instead chose them all at once. I went to Turkey for two and a half weeks and put the whole trip on a credit card.

At the time, I thought, “I’ll only be here once!” It was true, but I’m proud to say my poor financial habits have died.

When I was abroad, it was so clear and obvious that I was just a product of my surroundings, that life could be so much more.

When I got back, I was insanely burnt out, even though I didn’t know that feeling had a name.

It felt more like an existential crisis.

“I don’t know what to do with my life!” 

“What’s going on?”

I was such a perfectionist, and I really just wanted everyone to be happy - with me, with my choices.

I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing - trying to please everyone - but that’s what I was doing in my career, in school, my relationships, everything. 

When I was searching for answers, a solution to this anxiety-inducing problem of what I wanted my life to be, the stars aligned. That’s when I discovered yoga.

Burnout. Again.

Yoga was my way out of burn out, a way for me to reconnect with myself and let go of the tension and anxiety that I’d been holding in my life. I soon decided to take it full time and become a yoga teacher.

The first time I felt that I was living my purpose was in a yoga studio. 

There was this one in a million yoga class that I taught where something just felt different. It was so intangible, but I knew I was in this flow state. After class, everyone was telling me that the class was amazing, that they felt better than they’d ever felt leaving a class. 

Looking back it was almost like we’d transcended space and time. 

Then, I did attribute it to teaching yoga and wanting to recreate that feeling for everyone, all the time. It was the first time that I had experienced purpose, that feeling of “I am where I need to be right now. This is it.”

As you might expect, I couldn’t just leave my yoga practice as it was.

I wanted to take it to the next level, to be the best. I wanted to climb the “corporate ladder” of yoga all the way to the top.

In doing that, I quickly turned yoga into another situation where I was just doing the mostest and was not listening to my true self. 

I felt really burnt out *again*. 

How could this happen? This is exactly what I wanted. I wanted to do something fun. I wanted to relax. I didn’t want to work this hard, and yet here I am again doing the same exact thing but in a different shell.

That realization was so disappointing.

Here I was, thinking that I’d grown so much, learned so much since I’d made the decision to pursue this path, and I was actually just the same.

I was the same person, just in yoga pants.

For the pure joy of it

I believed that your purpose had to be intertwined with your work, but in this moment I started to move away from that thinking. 

It wasn’t working for me, so I let it go.

As a yoga teacher you are so connected to your purpose. Then later as a business owner and an entrepreneur (spoiler alert),  it was like, “These things aren’t my purpose. They’re just the things that I’m doing.”

I knew that if I didn't want to keep repeating this cycle of overachieving, people-pleasing and doing what was expected of me, I needed to really listen to my own intuition and do what's best for me. My intuition was loud and clear in telling me that I just needed to ~r e l a x~ and help others do the same. 

That’s when @eatstretchnap was born. 

I wanted to create something that would give me a chance to express myself creatively, to explore the different areas of my purpose. Eat Stretch Nap is the business that I started to help busy, stressed-out people live a more balanced, fun and relaxing life.

I work with corporate clients to integrate wellness into their culture. The way that I teach really resonates with business people, because I come at yoga from a very practical and approachable perspective. 

I just do what is easiest and what comes naturally.

I’ve started hosting international yoga retreats for the pure joy of it. 

I’ve experienced self doubt, and pulled myself out of it through deep reflection or intentional disengagement.

I’ve stopped taking myself so seriously.

I listen to myself, my gut, my intuition and do what feels easy and right.

Next Chapter

In a way, “ease” also describes my approach to life now. 

I would say I’m in the “you are enough” chapter. 

Stop trying. Slow down. 

I keep getting myself into situations where I have endless free time, or openness in my schedule, or opportunities to travel where it’s not just about money or career or family or learning anything. 

It’s just about trying to enjoy your own company. 

Just be okay doing nothing.

I’m so against fighting the easy way. 

You know what you’re naturally drawn to, what you’re good at or what you’re interested in. If you’re struggling to find your purpose, start there and see where it takes you. 

I don’t abide by the idea that you can’t find your purpose if you’re in your comfort zone.

I feel like right now I’m discovering my purpose because I’m in my comfort zone. My purpose is to be in it. Because I’m never in my comfort zone. I never let myself be here.

At this time in my life, this is what I’m meant to be doing.

So what does the next chapter look like?

I think it’s going to be crazy fun.

Doing “all the things” but with such a different perspective because I’ve taken the opportunity to step back and not only recharge, but take the time to understand what it means to be whole and complete.

To not need to do “all the things” but doing them because I want to, or with a different lens than trying to be like “I’m the best.”

I can see that chapter on the horizon, but, for now, I’m happy here, in this moment, as myself.

From Emily:

To outsiders, it could have seemed like Cat had one major turning point in her story.

She found yoga and voila! She was filled with purpose. She’d figured it all out.

In reality, Cat’s journey is far more complex, with ups and downs, self doubt and self expression, fear and wonder.

One thing that I’m working on, and that I hope you’ll join me in, is reminding myself that everyone’s lives are interesting, dynamic, more complicated than we could ever hope to imagine as a stranger.

We believe that others have it easier than us.

That they “get it” more than we do.

That they don’t have the same doubts or fears or missteps.

The truth is, we’re all just trying to figure it out. 

We all want to understand our purpose, and to align our lifestyles with that guiding light.

Most of us haven’t quite gotten there.

You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re not alone.

If you want to talk about your doubts, or if you’re looking for someone to support and guide you through this journey toward alignment, I’m here to talk. My favorite place to hang out is my DMs, so send me a message there where we can connect.

P.S. If you’re interested in sharing your purpose journey, I’m looking to spotlight some new faces! Leave a comment below, or send me a message and we can talk through logistics. I’d love to share your story.